I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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