Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
