He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize