I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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