Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
