remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
