i don't like sucking hair
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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