Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
