i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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