Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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