Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
