ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
