STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
