proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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