Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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