i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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