every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
