I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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