Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
