Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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