I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
