Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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