I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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