smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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