youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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