Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
