There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
