You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
