she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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