I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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