I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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