So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
