Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
