4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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