How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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