i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
