I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
