I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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