I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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