I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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