happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
