If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
