the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
