me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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