Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
