I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
