Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
