His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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