On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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