you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
