There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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