...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
