If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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