i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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