She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
