I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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