So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
