Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
