I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
