I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
