I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
did i just pee glitter
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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