Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
