there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
