you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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