Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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