You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
