I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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