He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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