My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
