He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
