oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
