I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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