its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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